Janus and the Revolving Door

The tradition of New Year’s Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C. The early Roman calendar used March 1 as New Year's Day but Julius Caesar changed the calendar to coincide with the seasons and named the first month of the year after Janus, the god of gates, doors and beginnings. Janus had two faces, one looking forward, the other backward. The Romans pictured Janus looking back at the old year and forward to the new, and New Year's Day symbolized remembering the lessons of the previous year while vowing to improve the current.

I tend to favor this more open-ended way of looking at the New Year and Its Resolutions. Every year I have three categories of resolutions: 1) Never ending stories; 2) I-really-mean-its; and 3) revolutions.

Never Ending Stories

Never ending stories are not so much resolutions as they are values and principles in which I believe and on which I have to concentrate and practice. They are not goals one can perfect in 365 days and then move on.

For example, I was in Mac’s liquor store the other day (shocker) and the clerk asked a gentleman in front of me about his New Year’s Resolution. The man replied that his goal for 2009 is to be a better husband. I couldn’t help but wonder if that meant he could be an asshole again in 2010. (I also couldn’t help but think that the man was getting awfully personal with the liquor store clerk. Personally, I tend to answer this question from strangers by saying something bland like “I’m gonna keep on keepin’ on” or by being ironic – like here I would have said “give up booze.” But hey, to each his own.)

That said, I do see the importance of reviewing my never ending stories ever year and reminding myself of my weaknesses. For example I need keep in better touch with family and old friends (other than my mama, who would be the next guest on Nancy Grace if I ever went 2 days without talking to her, and my best friend Katie whom I tend to stalk). Also, I’m continuously working on controlling my temper, and I’d like to one day be the type of person that spends more time outdoors than in. Although I’ve realized that only so many people in your life are obligated to love you regardless of how many times you go stunningly bitchy on them, and that spray-tanning while taking vitamin D is not the same as going to the park, I still need to put these lessons into practice. I also would like to get and stay buff. (I wish pushing a buggy around Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s looking for vegan cookies was considered a work out). Even if I greatly improve in these areas, I’ll always have to work at them; they are never ending stories (and yes, for those of you who have seen the movie, I do wish Bijou could fly so then I could call her Falcor).

I Really Mean It

The “I really mean it” pile is limited to those resolutions that I whole-heartedly intend to keep and turn into habits. Previous years’ “really mean-ers” have been 1) stop dating complete tools I’m not interested in just so I have someone to call/text when I’m bored (which unfortunately dried up the dating pool like Atlanta Summer ’07 on Lake Lanier); 2) travel more (I can go anywhere on Dramamine); and 3) be more friendly to strangers (especially good looking ones that don’t appear to need spare change or legal advice). Here are 2009’s resolutions that qualify for this category:

1) Blog more. Yes, I realize I made this resolution in August, September, October, November and December ‘08, but like a good chemical peel, 2009 is going burn off the failures of 2008. I will stop putting off my blog like a trip to the OBGYN and will write prolific, soul-wrenching prose regularly (read: will write down my self-absorbed opinions on life with greater frequency rather than just think them).

2) Avoid meat and dairy. Now this resolution stems from my great idea in November to go Vegan (after reading Skinny Bitch and watching a bunch of PETA undercover footage from slaughterhouses). However, I quickly realized, as many predicted, that such a lifestyle was as practical for a girl like myself as a Kitchen Aid (which has been used once in two years - when my parents came down for Thanksgiving and my mama made homemade yeast rolls). Let’s be honest, I will always believe in wearing and sitting on leather; I cannot deny that the fried goat cheese balls at Ecco are nirvana for my taste buds; and I have a love affair with cheeseburgers. So this resolution is a watered down version of going vegan. I know, I know, this is like being kinda preggors, or “dating other people” instead of “breaking up.” But I hear that by going totally vegan, a person can save 90 animals a year. I figure that if I switch to eating cheeseburgers on rare occasions instead of days that end in y, and give Almond Breeze a try, I can save almost 30.

3) Figure out what "Twitter" is.

I believe I can conquer these three goals in 2009 with monumental success which is part the reason why they are on my list. I mean a girl needs a few resolutions she knows she can keep and accomplish; otherwise she may as well just title her list “future failures.” And, let’s be honest, I have enough failure in my life that I don’t see coming; I don’t need to create opportunities for it to thrive.

Shame on Me

This brings us to my “Shame on Me” category. I think of the objectives in this bucket as “revolutions.” These are the goals that creep into my new year, year after year (along with a bad hangover) because, without good reason, I did not accomplish them the prior year. My top five revolutions are 1) learn how to play golf, 2) write a novel, 3) open a savings account, 4) learn Italian, and 5) get a Georgia Driver’s License.

2009 is no exception. I haven’t learned that owning a set of clubs and a golf bag does not a golfer make, nor do I really understand why one needs a savings account if she has credit cards. I’m taking great strides towards number 2 and yes I realize that number 5 is relatively easy. (But dude, the line at the DMV is longer than the Apple Store check out line during Christmas.)

However, I’m going through the revolving door with great resolve this year – 2009 could be the year I actually enter the lobby of Hotel Self Satisfaction. (The porter can bring in all my baggage later.) And if I can’t make it out of the door, and I enter 2010 only knowing “ciao bella,” well then, Janus can kiss it and I’ll keep on revolving.